Spindrifts

It's five in the morning. I'm drinking tea, waiting for my bubblegum pink nails to dry, and playing poker online. Moby is playing softly. My hair is poking out in every possible direction.

I gently toss ideas around in my head. They whirl about of their own free will, by a power all their own.

I'm realizing that my thoughts lately seem to fall into the same patterns, as I resetting the sequence randomly. Whether accidentally, or entirely on purpose.

This all boils down to the idea that this is a teeter-totter year for me. Things I miss in my life from the past on one end of the teeter-totter, and as we walk to the other end, across the axis, to things I want in my future. Being twenty-six has, for me personally, been very much about this.

I turn twenty seven in a couple weeks, and I realize in many ways, this is a last hurrah for this season in my life. I believe this has been a pivotal year for me. Things begin to settle in my life once again. Though, there's still a lot of dust in the air.

By implication, my thought patterns also bring relevance to things I don't want from my past, and less relevant in my immediate life, negative aspects my future. These things loom in my mind also, creating two way madness, on occasion. Little spindrifts of thoughts.

I'd like to be in college, rendering my current minimum wage job much less painful to imagine long term. I deeply miss having furry pets to cuddle me, and wait up when I'm out. I miss having houseplants, getting my hands dirty makes me happy. I miss writing, I discovered old stories I had completed in high school, and realized how happy fiction makes me, and how little I've had of it lately. I miss being awake during the day, and simply seeing any sunshine at all.

I'm tired of pretending to be a third shift vampire.

I adore roller derby now, and can't imaging moving forward without it. I love the way my little bible reads, and has illustrations. I'm glad I quit coffee, and switched to tea, and surprised how receptive and supportive everyone has been.

I wish to pick up the ever impossible goal of jogging, to regularly get my zumba/cardio in, and yoga/endurance. I want a nest egg! I want to go to church again. I want to organize my recipe collection, and finally share them with the people I promised too.

I wish I had the ability to get my art sales off the ground.

I'm finally taking steps towards these things. I'm making progress, and feeling like it's important to isolate myself less, and less. Being goal oriented leaves me with a one track, ultra focused mind. I miss everyone! I planted flowers. I bought (a lot) of authentic indian tea (english is next). I've researched gym memberships. Started weekly hangout times. I started a blog, and I'd really like to post some of my fictional writing here as well.

So, I started all like, by talking about my feelings, and stuff.